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Dear Dabby – My Husband is Choosing Marijuana over Our Marriage, What Should I Do?

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Relationship advice from the cosmic cannabis plant

Dear Dabby: “My husband is choosing marijuana over our marriage”

“Dear Abby” is a column in the New York Post where people send in their relational problems and ask Abby – Abigail Van Buren aka Jeanne Phillips – for help. “Abby” provides common sense responses meant to help the women in question.

While I don’t read “Dear Abby” myself, I do have an alert for anything cannabis-related on the internet and this time around Abby got a concerned letter from someone who referred to themselves as “Anti-Drug”.

To be fair, I actually found myself wholeheartedly with Abby on her response to the woman’s request and decided to expand on it on a section called “Dear Dabby” – where a red-eyed ganja plant answers relational questions.

But first…how about some context.

Dear Abby’s original question…

I have been with my husband for seven years, and I’m tired of having the same fight every day. He smokes marijuana, and I hate it. It has been a constant battle for years. We tried therapy, which helped for a while, but he goes back to smoking behind my back. We tried to reach a compromise that he smoke only after a certain time of day, but it still leads to fights.

He shuts me out when he’s doing drugs and says I don’t care about his happiness because it’s something he enjoys, that I am taking it away. I love him so much, but I hate drugs and don’t like who he becomes when he’s smoking.

I want to have a baby, but I am uncomfortable with drugs being in the house. I feel like I can’t trust him to be alone with a baby when he’s high. I don’t want to leave him, but I can’t take it anymore. Having the same fight every day is exhausting, and it’s had a really negative impact on our marriage. I want him to choose me over this, but if I give him an ultimatum, he’ll hate me. What do I do? — ANTI-DRUG IN ILLINOIS – SOURCE

In essence, “Anti-Drug” is in a relationship where one person consumes cannabis while the other is fervently against it…even to the point of self-identifying as “anti-drug” ironically slurping down a Starbucks coffee. Okay, maybe she’s not slurping coffee, but I’m almost certain that come Pumpkin Spice season, she’s in line for her “fix”.

But I digress.

According to her plight, they have been “at it” for years and have already tried therapy, compromises, etc. At the end of the day it’s a battle of ideology and I’ll expand on that later as “Dabby”, but first – let’s see what Abby had to say.

Give your husband that ultimatum and pack your bags. If you prefer the father of your child not have a marijuana habit and he cannot quit, then, as much as you may love him, this person isn’t The One for you. Sorry. – Abby, NY Post

Abby is correct. In the case of “Anti-Drug”, there is no point in trying to force someone to do something they don’t want to do. If they want to keep on smoking weed, it’s not that they “choose” the substance over you, it’s because you made them choose – you’re creating conditions.

And this is perfectly okay for any type of relationship. There are “deal breakers” in relationships and it’s these “deal breakers” that establish the norms of the relationship. Without these boundaries – you can’t really call yourself a “couple” because you haven’t committed to the expectations of the relationship.

Having said that, as Abby mentions – the husband is probably going to stick with weed. And I’ll tell you why…but as… DABBY!

lighter noises

long steady inhalation

cough cough

Dear Anti Drug (It’s Dabby here!)

While I wholeheartedly agree with Abby in terms of your relationship being over, there’s a lot of room for growth available as a result of your impending break up. You see, I have written extensively about cannabis relationships in the past and if there is one thing that I have seen time and time again, it’s that when there is a fundamental disagreement between cannabis use and abstention – there’s always conflict.

Usually the source of conflict is the “non-user” as I’m sure your husband mellows out when he smokes cannabis and only acts weird or defensive when confronted by his use.

This isn’t to say that you aren’t entitled to a “drug free environment”, it’s simply pitting your ideological stance against that of your “love” for this man. You see, there are elements of the person you like, but you failed to accept them for who they are and prefer a version of them that they might not want to be. They now feel “conditioned” to live according to your expectation and when that happens, the relationship takes a hit because one is right whereas the other is wrong.

Unless you are able to accept your husband for who he is, with his cannabis smoking and all, and learn to trust him around kids – then you can save your relationship. However, that will also mean that you have to give up something – your views on cannabis and drugs in general.

I don’t fault you for your position on drugs. Perhaps your family raised you in a home where you believe all drugs are bad (except the pharmaceuticals) or perhaps you had a bad experience with it. Irrespective, it seems that your mind is pretty much made up on the idea of drugs and as a result, you have already given your husband his ultimatum.

Your husband had already responded too, which means now the ball is once again in your court. Do you love him more than you hate drugs? Or is the mere thought of him being high repulse you so much that you’ll never be fully open to be with him in a way that a nurturing relationship works?

These are the tough questions you’re going to have to ask yourself over the next few weeks and while I know that you won’t read this article – I also speak to other people who are in a relationship where one person wants you to give up smoking. If you don’t want to, if you truly don’t think it’s wrong – don’t give up your habit.

If the person is more important than your habitual smoking, then you may give it a try, however, it rarely works to censor yourself for someone else. It simply means that the person cannot accept you for who you are and needs a condition to be with you.

If there is a condition to be with someone, then there is no real love. Of course, we need to respect each other, make space for each other, and try to accommodate ourselves to make the other person feel heard and loved – but the moment we start drawing lines in the sand we lose the glue of a relationship.

Therefore, “anti-drug”, I’d highly recommend you reexamine your views on drugs in general. They don’t “change” people as much as you think. Non-cannabis smokers often associate the “high” with being drunk, when it’s completely on opposite spectrums.

Nonetheless, you are entitled to your beliefs and for your next relationship, find someone who love doing a “deal breaker” in your relationship.

Establish your boundaries, respect yourself – and if someone places conditions for their love…then they don’t really love you but the thought of you…

Source: https://cannabis.net/blog/opinion/dear-dabby-my-husband-is-choosing-marijuana-over-our-marriage-what-should-i-do

Business

New Mexico cannabis operator fined, loses license for alleged BioTrack fraud

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New Mexico regulators fined a cannabis operator nearly $300,000 and revoked its license after the company allegedly created fake reports in the state’s traceability software.

The New Mexico Cannabis Control Division (CCD) accused marijuana manufacturer and retailer Golden Roots of 11 violations, according to Albuquerque Business First.

Golden Roots operates the The Cannabis Revolution Dispensary.

The majority of the violations are related to the Albuquerque company’s improper use of BioTrack, which has been New Mexico’s track-and-trace vendor since 2015.

The CCD alleges Golden Roots reported marijuana production only two months after it had received its vertically integrated license, according to Albuquerque Business First.

Because cannabis takes longer than two months to be cultivated, the CCD was suspicious of the report.

After inspecting the company’s premises, the CCD alleged Golden Roots reported cultivation, transportation and sales in BioTrack but wasn’t able to provide officers who inspected the site evidence that the operator was cultivating cannabis.

In April, the CCD revoked Golden Roots’ license and issued a $10,000 fine, according to the news outlet.

The company requested a hearing, which the regulator scheduled for Sept. 1.

At the hearing, the CCD testified that the company’s dried-cannabis weights in BioTrack were suspicious because they didn’t seem to accurately reflect how much weight marijuana loses as it dries.

Company employees also poorly accounted for why they were making adjustments in the system of up to 24 pounds of cannabis, making comments such as “bad” or “mistake” in the software, Albuquerque Business First reported.

Golden Roots was fined $298,972.05 – the amount regulators allege the company made selling products that weren’t properly accounted for in BioTrack.

The CCD has been cracking down on cannabis operators accused of selling products procured from out-of-state or not grown legally:

Golden Roots was the first alleged rulebreaker in New Mexico to be asked to pay a large fine.

Source: https://mjbizdaily.com/new-mexico-cannabis-operator-fined-loses-license-for-alleged-biotrack-fraud/

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Alabama to make another attempt Dec. 1 to award medical cannabis licenses

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Alabama regulators are targeting Dec. 1 to award the first batch of medical cannabis business licenses after the agency’s first two attempts were scrapped because of scoring errors and litigation.

The first licenses will be awarded to individual cultivators, delivery providers, processors, dispensaries and state testing labs, according to the Alabama Medical Cannabis Commission (AMCC).

Then, on Dec. 12, the AMCC will award licenses for vertically integrated operations, a designation set primarily for multistate operators.

Licenses are expected to be handed out 28 days after they have been awarded, so MMJ production could begin in early January, according to the Alabama Daily News.

That means MMJ products could be available for patients around early March, an AMCC spokesperson told the media outlet.

Regulators initially awarded 21 business licenses in June, only to void them after applicants alleged inconsistencies with how the applications were scored.

Then, in August, the state awarded 24 different licenses – 19 went to June recipients – only to reverse themselves again and scratch those licenses after spurned applicants filed lawsuits.

A state judge dismissed a lawsuit filed by Chicago-based MSO Verano Holdings Corp., but another lawsuit is pending.

Source: https://mjbizdaily.com/alabama-plans-to-award-medical-cannabis-licenses-dec-1/

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Business

Pot Odor Does Not Justify Probable Cause for Vehicle Searches, Minnesota Court Affirms

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The Minnesota Supreme Court affirmed that cannabis odor does not constitute probable cause to search a vehicle.

If Minnesota police search a vehicle solely based upon the smell of pot, they can’t justify searching a vehicle, even if there is evidence found of other alleged crimes. Even after appealing a lower court decision to suppress the evidence—twice—the Minnesota Supreme Court agreed, and the dismissal of his charges stands.

In a ruling filed regarding a case the State of Minnesota Court of Appeals on Sept. 13, the Minnesota Supreme Court affirmed that cannabis odor does not constitute probable cause to search a vehicle.

The case has been ongoing for two years. On July 5, 2021, just before 10 p.m., a Litchfield police officer stopped a car for an obscure local law: the light bar mounted on the vehicle’s grill had more auxiliary driving lights than are permitted under Minnesota law. The officer asked the driver, Adam Lloyd Torgerson, for his license and registration. Torgerson, his wife, and his child were present in the vehicle. The officer stated that he smelled pot and asked Torgerson if there was any reason for the odor, which he initially denied. But cops found a lot more than just pot.

A backup officer was called in. The couple denied possessing any pot, but Torgerson admitted to smoking weed in the past. The second officer stated that the weed odor gave them probable cause to search the vehicle and ordered them to exit the vehicle. The first officer searched the vehicle and found a film canister, three pipes, and a small plastic bag in the center console. The plastic bag contained a white powder and the film canister contained meth, which was confirmed in a field test.

Torgenson was charged with possession of meth pipe in the presence of a minor and fifth-degree possession of a controlled substance after the unwarranted search of Torgerson’s vehicle. 

Police Aren’t Allowed to Do That, Multiple Courts Rule

But the search had one major problem—cops weren’t searching for a meth pipe. They only searched his car because they could smell pot, and the meth and paraphernalia were a surprise for everyone. Still, they had no grounds to search the vehicle. The man’s charges were later dismissed after the district court determined the odor of cannabis alone was insufficient basis for probable cause to search the vehicle, regardless of whatever other drug paraphernalia they found. 

The state appealed the case, but the Minnesota Court of Appeals affirmed the district court’s decision. The case was appealed a second time, this time to the Minnesota Supreme Court, which agreed with the lower court’s ruling. 

 “This search was justified only by the odor of marijuana emanating from the vehicle,” the Minnesota Supreme Court decision reads. “Torgerson moved to suppress the evidence found during the search, arguing that the odor of marijuana, alone, is insufficient to create the requisite probable cause to search a vehicle under the automobile exception to the warrant requirement. The district court granted Torgerson’s motion, suppressed the evidence, and dismissed the complaint. The State appealed. The court of appeals affirmed the district court’s suppression order. Because we conclude that the odor of marijuana emanating from a vehicle, alone, is insufficient to create the requisite probable cause to search a vehicle under the automobile exception to the warrant requirement, we affirm.”

It amounts to basic human rights that apply—regardless of whether or not a person is addicted to drugs.

Other States do Precisely the Same Regarding Pot Odor as Probably Cause

An Illinois judge ruled in 2021 that the odor of cannabis is not sufficient grounds for police to search a vehicle without a warrant during a traffic stop.

Daniel J. Dalton, Associate Judge of the 14th Judicial Circuit, issued a ruling in response to a motion to suppress evidence in the case of Vincent Molina, a medical cannabis patient arrested for cannabis possession last year.

In that case, Molina was arrested despite the decriminalization of small amounts of cannabis in Illinois in 2019 with the passage of the Illinois Cannabis Regulation and Tax Act. 

In some states, the issue of probable cause and cannabis was defined through bills.

Last April, the Maryland House of Delegates approved a bill that reduces the penalties for public cannabis consumption and bars police from using the odor of cannabis as the basis for the search of an individual or auto. Under Maryland’s House Bill 1071, law enforcement officers would be prohibited from using the odor of raw or burnt cannabis as probable cause to search a person or vehicle. 

The rulings represent the rights of citizens when they are pulled over by police, even if there are hard drugs involved.

Source: https://hightimes.com/news/pot-odor-does-not-justify-probable-cause-for-vehicle-searches-minnesota-court-affirms/

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